Interpersonal Relationships are horizontal, not vertical. The boss, teacher, parents are not above you; you all are in the same plane. The goal of IRs is to get a Community Feeling. 3 stes for getting community feeling:<ol><li>Self-acceptance: Accept yourself as you are. Affirmations don't work here.</li><li>Confidence in others: have confidence in everyone as all will do you good.</li><li>Contribution to others: contribution does not mean self-sacrifice. The essence of work is contribution to others. </li></ol>

Somethings about IRs

It is obvious that you shouldn't rebuke anyone but the same is true for praising. Praising undermines one's ability. Let me explain that. What would a wife say to her kid for helping her clean the dishes? She would say "good job" or "great work". What would she say to her husband for doing the same? "good job"? NO. She would be saying "thank you". You know why?Because the husband has the ability to clean the dishes, the kid doesn't. So indirectly when you say good job to someone, you indirectly mean that (S)he didn't have the ability to do that.

Is praising good?

Life is meaningless. Period. You can give meaning to it. A grandpa even after being harmed by terrorists, has confidence in others. You give meaning to life. You can do that by following the north star. What's the north star?Contribution to others. Obviously.Just by following the North star, you will reach somewhere. Somewhere nobody knows. Somewhere special. Somewhere the 'dancing in the here and now' life leads to.GOOD LUCK! I hope you do not seek any to-do list from now. Cuz you have to just dance in the here and now.😉

Meaning of life

You may have the desire to be known, to be famous right? Suppose you clean up the road daily, and no one even sees you, no one praises you. What do you do? You stop? So didn't you make your task to rest because of others. That's the problem. If no one stops me, I will do the wrong thing. If no one praises me, I will stop doing the right thing. Now take a deep dive. This life is yours. The control should be on you. The control is on others. What kinda life is that?This Desire For Recognition makes you unfree.

Deny the Desire For Recognition 

What is freedom?Freedom is the courage to be disliked by others. Oh that person just stared you because you were wearing a weird T-shirt, So what? That person dislikes you because you just did what he doesn't like but you do, so what? Oh, no one is praising you for what you are doing is good, so what so what so what? You like that T-shirt, you like doing that thing, you know that is good for the society, that matters.You were not born here to make everyone please. This life is yours. If you have Desire for Recognition, then, sadly, you do not have the courage to accept freedom.

Choose freedom

<ul><li>Your present is not decided by the past.</li><li>Emotions don't just burst out. Every emotion is controllable.</li><li>All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.</li><li>Seperation of tasks works in parenting too. So, do not interfere in your child's homeworks. Just make him understand that he has work to do. Do not order him to do homework right now.</li><li>Trauma doesn't exist.</li><li>You can be happy now!</li></ul>

Some other abstract ideas

Learn to sperate the tasks.<ol><li>Do not care what people think of you. Thinking about you is their task. Your task is to be what you are. Do not act according to people. Wear what you want. eat what you want, go where you want.</li><li>Do not interrupt in others' tasks. All problems you have are because of not seperating the tasks. Telling others what to eat, where to go, when to sleep, what to do is none of your jobs.</li></ol>

Learn to not care

If you are someone who wants to be praised, means you have DFR. which means you life TOO is run by others. Do not try be a 'special' being. There are 2 'special' beings- excelling, dumbs. They both are doing what they do becuase they are treated as 'special'. Excelling want praise, dumb want rebuke. They both lack The courage to be normal. Aren't we all normal ? No one needs lofty goals. You have to just dance in the here and now. The life is a series of moments. There is no past, no future. Just the present.

Do not work for praise

What's happiness?Happiness is the feeling of contribution. The contribution need not be visible. (You do not need to brag for you have written a famous article, for Achievements.)worth = how much contribution you did.You say, oh then a bedridden or a baby has no worth. Right?The bedridden or the baby are contributing by being alive cuz if they died, you would be sad right?You must not value yourself on the basis of 'level of acts'. Value yourself on the 'level of being'. For being alive. Do you see any competition or jealousy here?

Happiness and  Self-worth

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

books

Books

A single book can change your life. Already an enormous bestseller in Asia, with more than 3 million copies sold, The Courage to be Disliked demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, it follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own lives, free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that's deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefited from its wisdom. Now that The Courage to be Disliked has been published for the first time in English, so can you

Ichiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University. He presently teaches educational psychology and clinical psychology at Meiji School of Oriental Medicine in Suita, Osaka. Kishimi now has his own private counseling office in Kameoka, Kyoto, and devotes his time to giving lectures on Adlerian Psychology and child education.

Ichiro Kishimi

Fumitake Koga is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Fumitake Koga has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Fumitake Koga's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Choose freedom

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