Raising Indistractable Kids in an Increasingly Distracting World
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The best gift we can give our children is the ability to control their attention and choose their life.
NIR EYAL
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Children need Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness to flourish
- Autonomy: The ability to make uncoerced decisions.
- Competence: The ability to learn and improve.
- Relatedness: The ability to relate meaningfully to others.
- Nir Eyal calls these needs Psychological Vitamins.
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Why children turn to the online world?
- Sadly, lots of youngsters aren’t getting autonomy, competence or relatedness things in their offline lives.
- At school, they are stifled by rules. At home, they bear the burden of their parents’ expectations and risk being labeled failures if they don’t do well at school which fail to stimulate their imaginations.
- The online world becomes the only space they have to roam freely and interact with their friends independently.
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1. Leverage Technology for Free Play
- Technology isn't inherently bad. It can be used to facilitate free play, which is crucial for children's development.
- The author's daughter uses online tools like Zoom to play games with friends, allowing for social interaction and unstructured play even when physically apart.
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2. Filter for Creation rather than Consumption
- Differentiate between content that promotes creation and content that leads to passive consumption.
- Encourage children to use technology for activities that build skills and knowledge, such as educational games or creative projects, rather than just consuming media.
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3. Promote Unstructured Play
- Unstructured play is essential for children's social and cognitive development.
- Schedule regular playdates or free play sessions where children can interact with peers without the oversight of adults. This helps them learn social skills and develop independence.
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4. Model Indistractable Behavior
- Children learn by observing their parents. Model the behavior you want to see in your children.
- Show your children how you manage distractions by setting your own timers and sticking to your schedules. This consistency helps reinforce the importance of being indistractable.
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5. Make Time for Traction Together
- Traction is the opposite of Distraction.
- Help children understand the importance of scheduling and making time for activities.
- Involve children in setting rules and parameters for screen time and other activities to foster a sense of autonomy and responsibility.
- Instead of imposing strict limits, discuss and agree on reasonable screen time rules together. This collaborative approach helps children understand and respect the rules.
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6. Teach Children to Make Their Own Pacts
- A pact is a self-imposed rule that includes a consequence for breaking it.
- Effort Pacts: Make distractions harder to access.: Keeping the phone in another room while studying.
- Price Pacts: Attach a monetary or meaningful consequence.: If the child breaks the pact, they lose a privilege or have to do an extra chore.
- Write Down the Pact: Document the pact and the consequences of breaking it.
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IDEAS CURATED BY
CURATOR'S NOTE
Practical advice for parents from the book "Indistractable" by Nir Eyal.
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