Homeostasis is a process in which a family utilises different habits and roles to keep stress, conflict, and anxiety within "tolerable limits"

<ul><li>Family systems work to maintain the status quo using a process call homeostasis.</li><li>Homeostasis causes families to maintain dysfunctional roles and habits.</li><li>Awareness can help family members acknowledge their own role and address problematic patterns.</li></ul>

Families may continue destructive behaviors despite negative consequences due to a process called homeostasis. It leads to conflict, unhappiness, and causes problems to persist.

The Cycle of Dysfunctional Family Dynamics

Each family has their own tolerable limit and will fight to maintain the emotional energy of the family within those bounds.
In short, the family will push each other to behave in the same way as they always have in order to create a predictable environment for themselves, known as a state of "equilibrium."

Emotional Energy Management

Roles that members of the family will often be "forced" to maintain are:<ul><li>The scapegoat or rebel</li><li>The mediator</li><li>The "good one"</li></ul>

The Roles and Behaviours of Dysfunctional Families

During times of family tension, dysfunctional families might try to find a scapegoat. This person will be blamed for the tension in order to "unite together" against a common, internal enemy.The scapegoat will be unfaurly targeted and seen as the problem, which then dissolves any family responsibility for solving the greater issue.

The Scapegoat or Rebel

A mediator helps settle family disputes by understanding everyone's perspective and finding common ground, which can be overwhelming for one individual.This person's role is to encourage everyone to reach a compromise and manage stress levels, but mediation alone can be a taxing and stressful task.

The Mediator

Like finding a scapegoat, the family might also point to the "good one" in the family. This is the person that the scapegoat will be compared against.

The "Good One"

<ol><li>Defensiveness</li><li>Withdrawing</li><li>Triangulation</li><li>Lying</li><li>Resignation</li><li>Relentless arguing</li></ol>

Common family habits include:

To return to homeostasis, or the normal way of being for the family, there is often defensiveness. Defensive behavior limits the ability to see one's role in a situation or begin to consider how to change the pattern.

Defensiveness

In order to remove oneself from a conversation or to work toward problem-solving, family members might withdraw from the conflict in order to get their way. Because there is so much tension, the other family members will "give up" and return to the status quo.

Withdrawing

In order to push the family back to homeostasis, members of the family will form alliances with each other against whoever is threatening the status quo.

Triangulation

Family members might lie to each other or use family myths to get people to "behave" within the window of tolerance

Lying

Often, the process of trying to create change causes so much stress that people will resign themselves to the current dynamic.

Resignation

Relentless arguing that never goes anywhere reduces the likelihood of change and increases the possibility that the family can return to their predicted dynamic.

Relentless arguing

Families can change their baseline way of functioning when members of the family choose to target and change any one of these roles or behaviors. However, the first person to do so will find that they become the scapegoat as they are seen as responsible for causing a "shake-up," even if the shake-up is for a good reason.

Changing Family Dynamics

- Not all families can benefit from family therapy.- Individual therapy helps understand the impact of family dysfunction.- Strategies to protect oneself from family dysfunction can be learned.

Mental Health and Family Dysfunction

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Personal Development

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Parenting

mentalhealth

Mental Health

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Love & Relationships

Why Families Don't Change, Even When They Should

'Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent'.

Say: 'O My servants who have transgressed against themselves (by sinning), do not despair of the Mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He Who is the Forgiving, the Merciful

This book attempts to bridge the gap between the traditional work of our rich and powerful heritage of classical Islamic scholars and the reality of the intensive and busy contemporary times that we currently live in.Based on classical Islamic resources, such as the Quran and Hadith, primarily the Kuttub al-Sittah, along with books of tazkiyah by classical authors such as Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim, Ibn Al-Jawzi, Abu Talib Al-Makki and others.

Classical Islamic Scholars and Our Contemporary Times

Becoming deaf and blind to the guidance of Allah SWT could mean that we hear a verse from the Quran, but it does not affect us in any way. We could hear a Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), yet remain unbothered and unchanged due to the state of our hearts.

Becoming Deaf and Blind to the Guidance of Allah

Our actions and relationships with others are shaped by our hearts and our relationship with Allah SWT. Let's analyse ourselves, using the law of cause and effect in this world.Take a moment to reflect on:<ul><li>Your heart and its state</li><li>Your way of living</li><li>Your relationships with others and with Allah SWT</li></ul>

Self-Reflection on Life and Relationships

But they denied him, so We saved him and those who were with him on the ship. And We drowned those who denied Our signs. Indeed, they were a blind people.

A sin can also be understood as:<ul><li>Any disobedience to Allah SWT that Allah SWT has forbidden, whether it is major or minor.</li><li>Any action that Allah SWT has deemed punishable in the Quran.</li><li>Any action or offence that goes against moral or religious law.</li><li>Any wrongful action or fault commited against a human being. If we commit a sin against another person, it is by default disobedience towards Allah SWT.</li></ul>

Understanding Sin

"The Prophet PBUH said: 'Avoid the 7 great destructive sins.' The people asked: 'O Allah's Messenger, what are they?' He PBUH replied: 'To join others in worship alongside Allah SWT, to practice sorcery, to kill a life which Allah has forbidden except for a just cause, to deal with riba (interest), to eat up and orphans wealth, fleeing from the battlefield at the time of fighting, and to accuse chaste women who are good believers."

The simple act of taking care of our parents has a profound impact on our future. When our parents pass away, we lose the chance to do good and be by their side.<ul><li>Spend quality time with your parents.</li><li>Take care of their needs, whether it's physically or emotionally.</li><li>It's our duty to treat our parents with kindness and love.</li></ul>

Importance of Caring for Parents

Identifying Major Sins is a chapter that outlines a compilation of 70 major sins, in order to give a clear indication of the actions that many of us - knowingly or unknowingly - may take part in or have done in the past.Once we know what these major sins are, it is vital that we make the intention not to be involved in them again and take all the necessary precautions to follow through with this.

Identifying Major Sins

Shaitan and his army will always work to damage our relationship with Allah SWT. They come and analyse our weaknesses and use those weaknesses to take us further away from Allah SWT. Every time we sin, we are obeying Shaytan and disobeying Allah SWT.

Becoming closer to Allah SWT allows us to practice His attributes, including mercy Tears are a powerful sign of this attribute and can come from hearing or reciting the Quran or talking to Allah SWT privately.A hardened heart that cannot cry is a sign of wrongdoing and a lack of mercy. We must strive to maintain a soft heart in order to reap the benefits of Allah SWT's mercy.

The Power of Tears

The Quran mentions the whispering of Shaytan, which means he puts thoughts of wrong actions in our minds. But when we seek refuge in Allah SWT, we grow stronger against his attacks.But Shaytan will continue to be a part of our lives until death. Seeking refuge in Allah helps us overcome his whispers.

The Whisperer of Doubt

And Shaytan will say to his followers after the judgement has passed. "Inded, Allah SWT has made you a true promise. I made you a promise, but I betrayed you. I did not have any authority over you. I only called you and you responded to me. So do not blame me, blame yourselves. I cannot save you, nor can you save me. Indeed, I denounce your previous association of me with Allah SWT. Surely, the wrongdoers will suffer a painful punishment."

If we look around our surroundings, we will see that evil is often dominant in our societies. Schools, workplaces, and public places are all affected by it, and these actions have become the norm.If we know that evil is being committed, but do not do anything to prevent it, everyone will suffer the punishments from Allah SWT. We must stand strong, even if we are the only ones taking a stance against it in our local communities.

Stand Up Against Evil

The Prophet SAW used to say: O Allah SWT! I seek refuge with You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overpowered by other men.

When our heart is sick, it is usually occupied by one of the 8 points mentioned in the Hadith above.When our hearts are weak, we become unable to do something that we want to do, even though we know it is good and right. Or we know that something is wrong, yet we still do it. Our hearts will suffer from these issues when they are spiritually dead or sick due to our sins, whether intentional or unintentional, and the distance it creates between us and Allah SWT.

Heart Sickness

May Allah SWT allow us to change our ways, help us have a sound heart, and increase our love and desire to obey and please Him. Amin.

Many of us may be unaware that some things that we do, are actually sins - acts of disobedience to Allah (swt). Even when we are aware of them, we don't think that our sins can have negative consequences for us, in our relationship with Allah (swt), other people, and even the world. Learning about sins is an eye-opening, transforming experience that changes your heart and mind. Furthermore, it makes you look at the world from a new perspective which can change your life forever. Discover, dissect and digest how to prevent and even overcome that which poisons the heart of the believer.

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Religion & Spirituality

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Motivation & Inspiration

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Books

Haifaa Younis

Sins

Take care of yourself, one rest at a time 💆‍♀️

Many people are struggling with burnout and exhaustion. But did you know that just getting enough sleep is not enough to combat these issues? Our bodies and minds require 7 different types of rest to truly feel refreshed and rejuvenated.

The Importance of Rest for Overall Wellbeing

Emotional rest also means surrounding ourselves with others who help provide emotional peace.

Sleep is essential, but not always enough. A vacation may seem relaxing, but it's not always restful. In order to maintain a well-balanced life, it's important to also take the time for various types of rest.

The Importance of Rest for a Well-Balanced Life

This includes:<ol><li>Physical rest to restore our energy and repair our bodies after physical exertion.</li><li>Emotional rest to process and release our emotions.</li><li>Sensory rest to reduce overstimulation and give our senses a break.</li><li>Social rest to recharge from social interactions and connect with ourselves.</li><li>Creative rest to explore new interests and hobbies that inspire us.</li><li>Spiritual rest to reflect and connect with our inner selves and beliefs.</li><li>Mental rest to declutter and refocus our minds.</li></ol>

“rest is the most underused, chemical-free, safe and effective, alternative therapy available to us.”

Exhaustion is a serious concern for too many of us, and unfortunately, sleep alone doesn’t fix the issue. In fact, only focusing on sleep may increase burnout because other key areas of rest have not been attended to.

Not surprisingly, the first kind of rest humans need is physical rest. This involves taking a break from physical activities that tire us out. Some examples of this include sleep, relaxation, and napping. Interestingly, "active" physical rest can also fall into this category (even though it may seem like a contradiction). Active physical rest includes light, restorative activities such as yoga, stretching, or massages.

1. Physical Rest

Are you always catching yourself thinking even when you're supposed to be resting? You might have a mental rest deficit. Relying on coffee temporarily helps, but in the future, it can add more to your overthinking.

2. Mental Rest

To achieve mental rest, take regular breaks during the workday and journal before going to bed.One helpful technique is thought diffusion, which involves observing thoughts without attaching emotions, similar to watching leaves float down a stream or clouds move across the sky.

Tips for Mental Rest

We are constantly exposed to different kinds of sensory stimulation such as screens, conversations, lights, and more. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. One way to recharge is by intentionally taking moments of sensory deprivation.This could include avoiding screens for at least 45 minutes before bedtime.

3. Sensory Rest

Emotional Rest allows us the space to be authentic. If someone asks you how you're doing after recognizing you are visibly upset, and you respond with "fine," such a suppression of emotions places added internal pressure on you.Instead, we can allow ourselves to be authentic by stating, "I'm actually really frustrated with __." This release and authenticity allows our emotional circuit to feel more rested.

4. Emotional Rest

Understanding whether you are an introvert, or an extrovert is important. Knowing if you recharge by being around people or alone, can help you understand when you need alone-time to recharge.
This conversation is crucial to have with your partner, as everyone has different social limits. One person may be ready to leave a party after just three hours, while their partner may still be energized and not ready to leave.

5. Social Rest

For those working on creative projects, creative rest is crucial. Do you often face writer's block, creative fatigue, or burnout from brainstorming? Here's how to recharge:Inspiration meets relaxation:<ul><li>Surround yourself with nature and let yourself be.</li><li>Take a break from a problem or project to recharge your brain without pressure.</li></ul>

6. Creative Rest

Our body and mind long for spiritual rest, which involves connecting with something greater than ourselves. This can include prayer, meditation, or a sense of purpose. We can also seek community through groups or organizations that prioritize acceptance and intention.Examples include:<ul><li>Church groups</li><li>Volunteer programs</li><li>Community outreach</li><li>Nature retreats</li></ul>

7. Spiritual Rest

Cellular/systemic rest is the rest of the whole body system from an internal level. What we put into our bodies matters. Processed foods, junk foods, or high-fat/high-sugar foods are extremely difficult for our bodies to digest. Much of the energy we produce goes into the digestion of these foods, which leaves us feeling fatigued, tired, or lethargic.

Bonus: Cellular/Systemic Rest

Our body needs rest on a cellular and systemic level, which we can achieve by consuming healthy, easy to digest foods. These foods also provide protection against oxidative stress. Additionally, it is crucial to limit our caffeine intake to give our adrenals a break.

Giving Our Body Rest: The Importance of Nutrient-rich Foods

Sleep is not enough. A vacation is not enough.

Take care of yourself by making rest a priority. According to Dalton-Smith, starting with short periods of rest each day is key. Here's how to refuel and recharge your body and mind:<ol><li>Find small pockets of rest throughout the day</li><li>Focus on different dimensions of rest (physical, emotional, etc.)</li><li>Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation</li></ol>

Fighting Exhaustion and Burnout: How to Prioritize Rest

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Mindfulness

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Habits

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Science & Nature

Psychology Today | The 7 Kinds of Rest You Actually Need 

Before one can actually enter Paradise in the eternal realm found in the other world, they must first exert their best and most sincere efforts to attain it in this temporal domain.

The Pursuit Of Paradise

And whoever is saved from the selfishness of their own souls, it is they who are successful.

Allah will say to the righteous 'O tranquil soul! Return to your Lord, well pleased and well pleasing. So, join My servants, and enter My Paradise.

To enter Paradise, every Muslim must obtain its key. In metaphysical terms, this key is the shahadah (testimony of faith) of "La Ilaha Illa Allah" (there is no God but Allah).However, simply saying the shahadah is not enough. The scholars emphasize that the key will only work if it has teeth, which refer to pious deeds.Therefore, the shape and effectiveness of our key is determined by our deeds and our position in the sight of Allah.

The Key to Paradise

Whoever reads Qul Huwa Allahu Ahad (i.e. Surah al-Ikhlas) 20 times, Allah will build for them a castle in Paradise.

The word used to refer to fragrances is rayhan, which is often used to refer to herbal plants that exude sweet smells. Due to the pleasant odors that they exude, these plants are known for their incredible ability to relax the mind and inculcate a state of absolute tranquility.As such, believers will find themselves fully satisfied and free of all the worries and anxieties that are found in this world.

Calming Fragrances

There is not any one of you who lives in this life except that they have two positons: a home in the Hellfire and a home in Paradise.

Indeed even a single tasbih (litany of Allah's glorification) from any believer is better than everything that has been given to the son of Dawud. And let it be known that everything that has been given to the son of Dawud will perish, but this tasbih of yours will remain forever.

The presence of flowing or running water - like rivers and other bodies of water - has positive psychological effects, known as ‘The blue mind effect’.The Quran utilises this concept by frequently mentioning the gardens of paradise with rivers flowing beneath them.

The Healing Power of Water

"The hidden rivers- namely the ones that are exclusive to Paradise - are Sayhan and Jayhan, whilst the visible rivers are the Nile and the Euphrates."

A person can't satisfactorily celebrate a major event or achievement without the presence of their family. This ultimately means that being accompanied by one's family in Jannah is imperative. Without having one's family members in near proximity, a person will not be able to feel complete joy. This point is beautifully alluded to in the following verse of the Quran:

Family's Presence in Jannah

... the Gardens of Eternity, which they will enter along with the righteous amongst their parents, spouses, and descendants.

Despite being mocked for their beliefs:<ul><li>They may forgo pleasures of this world for the sake of the afterlife</li><li>Despite facing criticism, their faith in Allah and pursuit of salvation remains strong</li><li>They will be handsomely rewarded in the other world for their sacrifices and unwavering faith</li></ul>

The Misunderstood Believer

The people of Paradise will have bracelets of gold and silver, garlands of pearls and Ruby, and the crowns of kings on their heads. Just one pearl from the dress of a woman of Paradise would light up everything between the East and the West.

In the marketplace of Jannah, there will be an unlimited inventory, where it will possess every imaginable product. Likewise, no person will have a limited budget as they will be permitted to pick whatever they wish.Thus, in the perpetual abode of bliss, none of the believers will be subjected to the constraints that conventionally exist in the finite world.

Jannah Marketplace

Because they observed silence in these affairs and refrained from idle speech, Allah will reward them with eternal gardens in the Afterlife that will be free of any disturbances and commotions.

Muslims should follow the example of the Prophets Companions by avoiding gatherings where people are slandered. This will help to protect the natural purity of their souls, which naturally dislikes such negative behaviors.

The Importance of Refraining from Spiteful Speech

Allah created Jannat al- Adn with His Hand, putting one brick of white pearl, another one made of red rubies, and yet another consisting of green crystal. It's floor is made of musk, it's ground consists of pearls, and it's grasses are fashioned with saffron.

To be successful in the afterlife, a Muslim must constantly remember Allah in this temporal world.- Recite Alhamdulillah (all praise be to Allah) when experiencing a pleasant event.- Recite Astaghfirullah (I seek the forgiveness of Allah) if committing a sin.- Recite La ilaha illa Allah (there is no God but Allah) when uttering the declaration of faith at the point of death, for it will allow them to enter Paradise with ease.

Success In The Afterlife

It will be said to the believers 'Enter Jannah in peace and security.

Whatever our situation may be in this life, a life of struggle or comfort, our inevitable fate is the same as the life of this world is temporary.  O believer, this world is not meant to be your paradise, but knowing that Paradise awaits, makes this journey so much more bearable and rewarding. Remember that every difficulty is a right, after all your struggles, all your tests, and trials know that your eternal sanctuary awaits.  Jannah, that is built by your deeds and decorated by your du'as. Chalets of crystals sparkling on the horizon for a soul that gave up sin, tree trunks of green emerald and branches of gold for a simple word of remembrance. Each of your shuddering breaths, every second of discomfort you faced, and every one of your sacrifices, all have been accounted for, repaid with sights and rewards unimaginable and the company of the Most High.  Build your eternal home, decorate your eternal home. Long for your eternal home...

Omar Suleiman

Jannah

We all face challenges. It's not about avoiding them - it's about how we respond to them that counts. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from tough times and overcome adversity. It's something that can be learned and developed by anyone, regardless of their natural tendencies.

Understanding Resilience: Coping with Stress and Adversity

Resilience is all about adaptability, flexibility, and recognizing our own strengths. It's like a muscle that grows stronger with practice. The more we learn about resilience and actively develop it, the more resilient we become.

Building Resilience

Resilience isn't about staying strong or pretending everything is okay when things go wrong. It's normal to feel upset, annoyed, or frustrated by obstacles. The key is finding ways to push through with ingenuity, optimism, and a can-do attitude.See below..

Ways to Become More Resilient

Life is always full of change and uncertainty. It's important to accept this fact in order to be resilient. When you accept the inevitability of change, you become more adaptable and able to handle sudden changes.<ul><li>Change and uncertainty are natural parts of life</li><li>Accepting change makes you more adaptable</li><li>Becoming resilient means embracing change</li></ul>By embracing change, you can grow into a stronger and more resilient version of yourself.

Embracing Change

As we face challenges, it's important to learn how to calm ourselves when we feel overwhelmed. Here are some techniques to reduce stress and anxiety:<ul><li>Practice deep breathing exercises to calm your mind and body</li><li>Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts</li></ul>By focusing on self-care and positive thinking, we can build resilience and tackle challenges with a clear and calm mind.

Learn To Calm Yourself

All of us experience fear, especially in the face of change. However, fear can prevent us from seizing new opportunities and growing. When confronted with a scary challenge, start by taking baby steps in the direction you want to go. Ask yourself, "What's the smallest thing I can do to get started?" Then, do it.

Overcome Fear

Resilience is the ability to overcome difficult challenges and bounce back stronger. However, sometimes we may feel angry and frustrated, which can hinder our ability to move forward.To be resilient, it's important to work through your anger and let go of negative feelings. One way to do this is by writing about your emotions or talking to a trusted friend. This can help you process your thoughts and release built-up tension. Remember, being resilient means facing challenges head on and finding positive ways to cope and move forward.

Let Go Of Your Anger

In life, problems will come and go. Instead of dwelling on them, be proactive and focus on finding solutions. Take small steps towards your goal and move forward.Remember to break down your goals into smaller, achievable tasks. This will help you stay motivated and build your resilience. Identify what you can do and take action.

Be Resilient: Take Action!

Even when everything seems to be falling apart, don't forget the power of laughter. Spending time with a funny friend or watching a funny movie can be very healing and help take your mind off of your worries.Plus, laughter releases endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals, helping to boost your mood and reduce stress. So keep smiling and don't forget to laugh.

Laughing Your Way Through Tough Times

It's important to keep things in proportion and not overreact to problems. Remember the good: Even during tough times, there are still good things in life. Focus on the positives and have hope that things will improve. Be proactive: Instead of worrying, ask yourself "What can I do to overcome this problem?" and take action towards a solution.

Maintain A Sense Of Perspective

One key way to build resilience is to anticipate challenges. Instead of focusing on potential negative outcomes, think about the positive ways in which you can overcome them. This will give you a sense of control and reduce feelings of being overwhelmed.Remember, it's not a matter of if challenges will arise, but when. By anticipating them and preparing for them, you can build your resilience and handle them more effectively.

Build Resilience: Anticipate Challenges

Challenges are inevitable. But remember, you have a choice in how you handle them. You can't control what happens, but you can control how you respond.<ul><li>Recognize the power of choice in difficult situations</li><li>React to changes with hope and a positive attitude</li></ul>Embrace resiliance and face every challenge head on!

Facing Challenges Head On

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Leadership & Management

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Longevity

What is Resilience? | Technical Difficulties

If you listen with the ear of the heart,if you see with the eye of the heart,if you speak with the tongue of the heart,you realise there is no second voice, no other options.You’re never in doubts.You’re like an arrow towards the Truth.

If you follow your heart, you will always know the right path. Trust its guidance and remain confident in your decisions. Your heart speaks the truth and is free from doubts. Trust yourself and be like an arrow directed towards the truth.

The Power of Heart

Opening your heart means to listen, see and speak without hesitation. It is an act of vulnerability and empathy.
<ul>
<li>Truly listen with an open mind</li>
<li>Observe without judgement</li>
<li>Speak your truth without fear</li>
</ul>

The Heart Knows the Truth

Here are some tips to help you stay on the right path:<ul><li>Trust Yourself - Your heart knows what you truly want and need.</li><li>Stay Focused - Don't let outside influences sway you from your goals.</li><li>Ignore the Noise - Sometimes people will try to steer you in the wrong direction. Don't let them.</li></ul>

Listen to Your Heart

Be sure of your path and never second guess. You have the power to make the right decisions, trust yourself and be confident in your choices.

Trust your instincts

Listen to your heart and let it show you the way.
 Your heart knows what is true and good for you, trust it!

Follow Your Heart

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Communication

meditation

Meditation

L I F E Quote | The Ear of The Heart 

Table of ContentsThe Euphoric StageTake the Love QuizThe Early Attachment StageThe Crisis StageThe Deep Attachment Stage

From Euphoria to Deep Attachment

Falling in love is easy, but making a relationship work is challenging.Just like anything else worth having in life, relationships require effort. Some couples manage to overcome difficulties, while others simply grow apart.

Relationships Take Effort

Top neuroscientists in the field of love explain what happens to our brains as we move through the stages of romantic relationships.

Why Families Don't Change, Even When They Should

Sins

Psychology Today | The 7 Kinds of Rest You Actually Need

Jannah

What is Resilience? | Technical Difficulties

Adila Bibi